A Modest Proposal
With apologies to Jonathan Swift, I suggest the following modest proposal. There are many people who are concerned about rights given to them by the Second Amendment which confers the duty to bear arms to every citizen. This necessity, for everyone to bear arms, supposedly protects us from the tyranny of the government when it tries to take over the country and put us all under a crushing dictatorship. Since every citizen must be ready to bear arms, I think we have been remiss in not preparing a large segment of our citizenry. The recent incident at Sandy Hook Elementary School revealed a glaring hole in the usual protection for our innocent children. The shooter was able to massacre 20 unprotected kids with his AR-15 semi-automatic military-type weapon. He fired 151 bullets in less than five minutes shattering the bodies of those first-graders and their teachers with impunity. It was only while re-loading that six souls were able to run past him to safety. Now the emotional response to this horror was to call for the banning of all military-type weapons, to put armed guards in all schools, and arm all the teachers. I don't think that will solve the problem. My suggestion is that we start training three and four year olds under the auspices of the NRA. That way when they get to school, we can give them .22s and small pistols so that they will be ready for the next potential massacre and instead of running away, they can stand and shoot at the perpetrator. This will solve the problem of gun-free schools. Of course, as they reach middle and high school, we can provide them with bigger and better weapons which should assuage the NRA and help the gun manufacturers increase their profit margins. But then, Congress would not have the fortitude to pass such laws and liberals would be livid. However, unless someone can offer a better solution, I urge consideration of my modest proposal. RJG 3/23/13 This was a letter I composed and was going to send to the newspaper. However, after showing it to some people, I came to the conclusion that unless someone was familiar with Dr. Swift's satire on the Irish Situation where the Irish were starving and the British government was exporting food, they might not understand my satire. Some might even think it a great idea. The dangers of satire unfortunately lead to misunderstanding. I did not send it in. However, I think a more sophisticated audience such as History Chip might get my intent. So here it is.